07 July 2015
ethan has been informing us as of late that he has a baby in his tummy. just a guess, but i'm pretty sure it's because i have a baby in my tummy...yep. we've hopped back on (did we ever hop off, really?) the crazy rollercoaster of having a baby. come mid-november, casa miller will have one more little one and we couldn't be more excited.
it is altogether insane how different this time around has been. both in how i've felt physically (worse than last time, but still generally wonderful), but mostly emotionally. when i was pregnant with ethan, we had very few expectations because how could we possibly know what to expect. but now that we've been through one wonderful and healthy pregnancy and birth, i just can't help but worry that this one won't be as easy. our doula told me that i should think of ethan's birth as a reference point, and not the standard to hold this one up to. i'm doing my best.
but truth be told...i just don't have nearly as much time to spend in my head about all of this this time around because i'm so busy chasing after ethan and being exhausted when i'm not! this is probably a good thing. when i was pregnant with ethan, i remember those every-four-week appointments at our birth center seeming so far apart from each other. now, jared and i look at each other and say "the appointment is this week? already?" one thing that has not ceased to amaze me since ethan was born is how crazy, magical, and heartbreaking a thing time is.
but here we are. baby tummy and all. after the first time hearing the baby's heartbeat at the birth center, ethan said "baby heartbeat moonic" (his word for music) and i almost died of heartbreak. at our ultrasound last week, in between gulps of milk and snack distractions, he pointed at the screen and shouted "babyyyyyy!" he loves "talking to baby" and saying "hi baby" (while waving awkwardly), "good morning baby", "night night baby", "i wove you baby", and his favorite "i big brover!" last week he started talking more to the baby like he was telling baby all about the world- what he's eating (which he tried to feed the baby by shoving raisins into my belly button), what he sees, and even telling the baby about how he helped mama weed the garden.
i could not be more excited to bring another beautiful, tiny, perfect little baby into this world. and to watch ethan become the world's greatest, sweetest, silliest, and most mischievous big brother.
all love. and still more.