welcome cora dean!

on november 16, just two days after her "guess date," cora dean miller arrived to join our family. she was a tiny little thing, weighing just over six pounds, but stretching out to twenty long inches! she was born in the water at our amazing birth center, surrounded by three midwives, our incredible doula and friend, and her loving parents. ethan was up bright and early the next morning (eating breakfast at 3:30 am) and came to meet his baby sister (that kid knew what he was talking about with his predictions!) before we all headed home together as a family of four.

she is named for three incredible and strong great-grandparents of hers--cora for my paternal grandmother, constance, and dean for my maternal grandmother dorothy and jared's grandfather donald (bud) who just passed away in late july. this little lady has got some big shoes to fill.

these first few weeks have been amazing and exhausting. more than anything, though, we are so so glad she is here with us.

more soon.
xoxo

because i have nothing more important to do than start a new quilt...

on par with making homemade shampoo just days before my wedding...

i was on such a roll with posting here a few months ago, wasn't i? i was so enjoying it and excited to be writing and sharing regularly again and then, well, then life. i have a post about nesting that i wrote about two months ago and have edited and updated a few times and wanted to post, but there it sits in the drafts folder and well, it just doesn't feel quite relevant anymore. no matter how much i've edited it.

because we are so past "nesting". we are in full on baby-preparation mode. we are in building-new-ikea-dresser, installing-new-carseat, washing-baby-clothes-and-diapers, and oh, making-a-throw-quilt-just-for-the-hell-of-it mode.

yeah. i've made some pretty damn cute new baby stuff over the past few months that i'll share one of these days. and i am still finishing up one last (i think) knitting project. and then, i suddenly decided that now was the best time to take that random log cabin quilt block i made for no reason a few years ago and has been sitting in various piles in my studio and make up a whole quilt of them. because that's the headspace i'm in right now. i'm thinking about winter with a baby and a toddler, and i'm thinking about snuggling under lots of quilts, and i'm thinking i wanted something new. just for us. the four of us (!).

so here it is, in progress. i thought it was done with eight blocks, but as i started plotting out the sashing and the border i decided it really needed another row and less sashing/border. so i went back to the fun part of combing through my scraps and putting together four more log cabin blocks. (each block is 14"x14" and i'm thinking the finished quilt will be about 60"x48"ish). erin posted a photo on instagram last week of what she's discovered as her "personal palette" and i realize, this is definitely my palette...greys, purples, browns, blues, and a few pops of greens. i'm really psyched about this one, especially the fact that every bit of it (minus the batting, fine) is coming from my stash. definitely a plus in the decluttering/studio downsizing department! it's going to be backed with a super cozy flannel piece i picked up from mill ends a few years back that i've been saving for just the right project, which is definitely this one. i know i have a little ways to go before this is ready, and i really should quit it and get back to a few more urgent projects that need to be taken care of in the next month or so, but i just cannot wait to be cozied up under this thing on the couch with a new babe, and ethan, and jared, and freddie this winter (hmm, maybe it needs to be even bigger...).

and speaking of that new babe...it's mindboggling to think that he or she will be joining our family in just about a month or so now. phew. that time thing again. one of the things i am most excited about it seeing ethan grow into being the amazing big brother i know he will be (and really already is). he is so nurturing and funny and caring and i can't wait to watch him teach this baby all kinds of amazing things that he's got in his head. i love him so much and am so excited to welcome another little person into our family and grow our hearts even more.

all love.

baby tummy

ethan has been informing us as of late that he has a baby in his tummy. just a guess, but i'm pretty sure it's because i have a baby in my tummy...yep. we've hopped back on (did we ever hop off, really?) the crazy rollercoaster of having a baby. come mid-november, casa miller will have one more little one and we couldn't be more excited.

it is altogether insane how different this time around has been. both in how i've felt physically (worse than last time, but still generally wonderful), but mostly emotionally. when i was pregnant with ethan, we had very few expectations because how could we possibly know what to expect. but now that we've been through one wonderful and healthy pregnancy and birth, i just can't help but worry that this one won't be as easy. our doula told me that i should think of ethan's birth as a reference point, and not the standard to hold this one up to. i'm doing my best.

but truth be told...i just don't have nearly as much time to spend in my head about all of this this time around because i'm so busy chasing after ethan and being exhausted when i'm not! this is probably a good thing. when i was pregnant with ethan, i remember those every-four-week appointments at our birth center seeming so far apart from each other. now, jared and i look at each other and say "the appointment is this week? already?" one thing that has not ceased to amaze me since ethan was born is how crazy, magical, and heartbreaking a thing time is.

but here we are. baby tummy and all. after the first time hearing the baby's heartbeat at the birth center, ethan said "baby heartbeat moonic" (his word for music) and i almost died of heartbreak. at our ultrasound last week, in between gulps of milk and snack distractions, he pointed at the screen and shouted "babyyyyyy!" he loves "talking to baby" and saying "hi baby" (while waving awkwardly), "good morning baby", "night night baby", "i wove you baby", and his favorite "i big brover!" last week he started talking more to the baby like he was telling baby all about the world- what he's eating (which he tried to feed the baby by shoving raisins into my belly button), what he sees, and even telling the baby about how he helped mama weed the garden.

i could not be more excited to bring another beautiful, tiny, perfect little baby into this world. and to watch ethan become the world's greatest, sweetest, silliest, and most mischievous big brother.

all love. and still more.
xo

and again with the baby in handknits

and here we are...over two weeks later. what was i saying about becoming a normal person and doing normal things again? right. i still do feel like we're getting into a nice rhythm here and we go out almost every day. but then, it just takes three days to fold the laundry (just in time to do it again) and photos are taken, but never posted. and blog posts, well. they get composed in my head while nursing or on walks or in the morning when we're staying in bed late. and then two weeks later, they actually get written and shared. [case in point...this post was actually written on monday, when ethan was actually wearing this sweater, but of course i failed to photograph it first thing in the morning and by the time i got around to it, he had spit up all over himself. then it took a couple of days while i washed the sweater and waited for it to dry, then got around to photographing and posting. rookie mistake.]

i'm finally getting around to writing ethan's birth story. i've told it a number of times over the past two months and relived it in my head many times. i'm still deciding whether i'll share it publicly or not. i do love reading the birth stories of others. mine is just very, well, long. we'll see.

we are going on our first big trip with ethan next week. flying to arizona for my grandfather's 90th birthday celebrations. i'm really excited for ethan to meet his great grandfather (ethan is the first great grandchild and my grandpa could not be more excited about this) and many other relatives. i'm probably being naive, but i'm not too worried about the traveling part. everyone has told me to nurse during take-off and landing. check.

and as soon as we get back... i am going back to work. i admit that i'm not ready at all. i'm not worried about ethan one bit. he'll be in wonderful hands in a small nanny share with a great woman and two adorable little girls who i have a feeling will quickly become like part-time sisters. no, he'll be just fine. it's me i'm worried about. to say the least, it will be an adjustment.

and last, but not remotely least...the next sweater. this was actually the first one i made for ethan way back in march. i wanted it to be something special so i chose this cascade venizia sport yarn, which is a wool-silk blend, in a beautiful rust color. it's lovely, but not, um, the most baby friendly. oh well. i still love it and so far have kept up with the handwashing just fine [see above]. mostly because i want him to wear it as much as possible before he outgrows it. so i won't let it sit around waiting to be washed.

the pattern, beyond puerperium, is pretty awesome. besides being an adorable design, the pattern is actually written to accommodate many different yarn weights as well as design choices like short or long sleeves and tapered or flared sleeves. i will definitely be making this one again (in fact, my mom is making one for another baby now too!). i made the 0-3 month size and as you can see, at just over two months, he still has some room to grow into this one. on ravelry here.

 right now, ethan is sleeping on my chest. all cozy in the moby wrap (which we love). i think i'll lay back and just enjoy this moment...

getting to be sweater weather

fall is arriving, which as you know makes me pretty much giddy. not that i haven't enjoyed this summer, oh man have i enjoyed it. but you know, fall is my gig.

being that i'm his mama, and being that his grandma is pretty much a nonstop knitter (not to mention all the other friends and family members who have sent beautiful knits), ethan's wardrobe is awash in handknit sweaters and the like. i started knitting for our baby way back in march but i had somehow been shy about sharing anything before he arrived. you know, that whole superstition thing. but here he is. and now it's finally cool enough (and he's gotten big enough!) to start wearing some of the sweaters that have been waiting ever so patiently in his dresser.

yesterday's sweater was the pebble vest. it was the second thing i knitted for him. i've made this vest three times now and it's always a winner. so easy and quick and super adorable. i will totally make him another one in a larger size (just use heavier yarn, or knit double with worsted weight) once he outgrows this one. i used a gorgeous manos maxima yarn. (on ravelry, here)

ethan turned six weeks old yesterday and, well, you know where i'm going with this (WHERE IS ALL THE TIME?!). but seriously. we are getting into a little bit of a groove here and everyday i do something else that makes me feel like a normal person again. like i can do this whole mama thing and do all the things (well, at least some of the things) that i used to love too. like blogging about knitting and other things i'm making. (like those little scrap black and white patterned cards up there...just wanted to give him something to look at while he's getting a fresh diaper. which, by the way, he happens to love doing. go figure). so yeah. a little bit of normalcy returning here. though, given that everyday is a new one, come back to me next week and we'll see if i still feel like a human being.

 you can pretty much get ready for a steady stream of baby knits and other handmade goodness now. i mean, not that we don't all love the straight baby photos. but baby in handknit and sewn goodness? well... burst my mama heart.

also, i know september is already halfway over, but i would be remiss if i didn't mention that i've been posting over at habit this month. i love love love being a guest there. check it out!

ethan on polaroid

we have been settling in more and more as the days go by. i think i'll say this every day for the rest of his life, but i can't believe more than two weeks have already gone by since he was born. i am already finding myself nostalgic for his first days of life. and yet, sometimes i get a little sad that it's never going to be just me and jared again (this was a feeling i had during the last days of my pregnancy too).

but mostly, i just look at him and my heart explodes and i'm filled with a kind of love i never knew existed. and jared too. i didn't think i could love him more, but here we are. heart exploding.

i have been hoarding my stash of polaroid film and now i want to blow it all on his beautiful face. his chompy little arms and legs. his adorable mouth and oh, when his eyes are wide open taking in the world. i want to savor all of it.

ethan sidney

ethan sidney miller arrived right on his due date, august 5, to join our family. he was named after my grandfather, sidney, one of the most outspoken, opinionated, funny, and inspiring people i've known. and whose ninety-sixth birthday would have been yesterday. the last couple of weeks before his birth were a beautiful, quiet, slow time and we've had much of the same since. of course, the three days of labor and birthing were quite the ride. he was born naturally at a birth center and there is nowhere i would have rather been to bring him into this world. i was blessed to have the most incredible birth team, including jared, our doula, two midwives, and a nurse. we are blissfully settling into babyland over here. and i can't believe it's already been over a week since his arrival. it seems impossible that he hasn't been here all along.

more soon.
xo

up north at 32 weeks

we had our long weekend up north almost three (!) weeks ago and it's already feeling like a lifetime since we returned. it was lovely though. the cabin we rented was just perfect. small and cozy with a nice kitchen and the couch right in front of the glass doors looking down to the lake. the path to the lake was short, though sadly swarming with mosquitoes.

freddie was in heaven. and we were pretty smitten too.

we went for a lovely hike on the superior hiking trail on saturday. we weren't sure where to go hiking but we found a book called "gentle hikes" in the cabin and the notes on the oberg loop trail said it was the best. so we headed that way. it was sunny and hot and there were beautiful views of lake superior, and little oberg lake. after that, i seized the feeling of being hot and jumped in the lake at the cabin, caribou lake (oh there are so many lakes here!). it wasn't nearly as cold as i had feared, being pretty shallow where our dock was. i swam around for a bit and was very pleased that my vacation dream of swimming had come true.

we cooked and snacked and read books and talked and knitted and watched a movie every night. it was really quite dreamy. we even stopped in duluth on the way home and treated ourselves to lots of new music at the electric fetus.

even though that feeling of utter relaxation and no obligations already feels so far away. when i close my eyes, i can take myself right back to it. and that will stay with me.

more photos in film coming soon...
 

the days are just packed

31.5 weeks

oh boy. how has it been over two weeks already since i last checked in here? the days (weeks, months) are really flying by and it's a little bit frightening. it seems to have finally warmed up a little bit here, but still doesn't feel like june yet since it has been raining nonstop. which is probably part of why time continues to sneak up on me. i am living for the weekends when i can tackle my neverending to-do lists and then those two short days (or even three sometimes!) fly by and suddenly it's sunday evening already. [sigh]

i have finally gotten my garden in for the year. i know i am being way too ambitious, given how little time for gardening/harvesting/canning i know i will have come august, but i just couldn't stop myself and suddenly i had 25 tomato plants in! not to mention the cucumbers, chard, basil, hot peppers, and squash...i tried to plant more herbs and flowers this year too. i've been posting some updates over on tend, if you want to follow along there.

we are headed up to a cabin in the northwoods this weekend and i am very excited. we've never done this before and somehow this seemed like the right time. call it our babymoon, i guess (my mom asked if it was our "swan song", i had never heard that term but thought it was sweet). just a few short days to enjoy ourselves and each others' company. we'll bring some books, knitting, food to eat, a dog to cuddle, a few cameras and film, and our swimsuits with fingers crossed that the lake isn't too freezing :) in the midst of all the to-do lists, it's feeling hard to get away for these few days, but this is exactly why we have to force ourselves, right? and then we will be back in it next week. it's starting to feel like the home stretch now, which is exciting but also kind of terrifying and a little bit sad, too.

friday afternoon ramblings: love is the law, and some sewing

28.5 weeks

here is another one of the tops i've made myself in the last couple of months. (it's the rie top from megan nielsen patterns, again). i think i finished this one in mid-march. at the time, i wasn't sure if i should put these sleeves on it since i was sure that it would be warming up any day and all i'd need would be tank tops and skirts. oh, how wrong i was! thank goodness for the sleeves. i was psyched to use this fabric that i've had in my stash for years (i have no idea where it came from, thrifted maybe?).

again, the sizing was a little questionable on this one. like i said before, the first megan nielsen pattern i made, i used the small size and it fit me perfectly. here, that size seems a little snug. mostly in the armholes and the sleeves. now that my belly is getting bigger and bigger, it's also a little on the short side. with a long tank underneath, though, it's a great top. i'm even thinking that i'll be able to wear it as a non-maternity top later on. if i have the energy, i may just make myself the dress version of this pattern too, sleeveless...

so here we are now, in the third trimester and feeling like august is shockingly close. i continue to be amazed by how fast this is all going, but i guess i should just get used to it because that's how life will be from now on, right? i'm still trying hard to savor all the days and enjoy the quiet moments (and not so quiet ones). all in all, despite all the things to do and get and figure out and finish up, we're just enjoying ourselves immensely. 

also, this week marked a hugely important achievement in my home state, the passage of marriage equality by our state legislature, which will go into effect on august first. i'm not going to lie...i cried a number of times while listening to the hours of debate in the house and senate, and it wasn't just the hormones. in addition to a huge step towards true justice and equality for all in this state, including some of my friends and family, i couldn't help but be so proud and happy that our child will grow up with opportunities that so many before have not had. and that our baby will be able to get married someday [far] in the future, no matter who he or she is or loves. because now, love is the law.

happy weekend, friends. xo

these days

winter has finally been put to bed (i think...i hope) and spring came in full force this weekend. it was glorious. i think the entire state of minnesota was outdoors. on saturday, i went to my community garden garden clean up and even though there wasn't much to clean up (no weeds yet since the snow has just barely melted!) it was so wonderful to be outdoors and reconnect with neighbors after the long, quiet winter. i even got sunburnt! not a good thing, for sure, but the warmth and strength of the sun was so unexpected and unfamiliar that i was caught by surprise.

yesterday, jared and i ditched our plans to check out an exhibit at the american swedish institute in our neighborhood, because it seemed ridiculous to be indoors on such a day. instead, we tuned up our bikes and rode to a neighborhood cafe for treats (ice cream sandwich for me, beer for him). the bike ride was disappointing for me. i know my riding days are limited this year, but i was hoping to make it through may. i didn't feel unabalanced, which was what i was expecting, but the leaning forward on my bike made me (and baby too, i'm sure!) feel a little squished. also, i need a cushier seat. i might be in the market for a beach cruiser :)

after our  treats, we stopped by a coffee shop where our friend was working and hung out for a while. time passed so quickly, it was suddenly 6:30 by the time we got home. we didn't get any yardwork done (the gardens desperately need clearing off!) but that's okay. it was so nice to just laze around and enjoy the day. our to-do lists are growing by the minute, but it's so important to enjoy some quiet days while we can. i savor them.

in other news, i've been making myself lots of clothing since my pre-pregnancy clothes started getting a little too snug/not fitting at all. a while back i discovered diy maternity and megan nielsen patterns. i ordered a few and have tried three of them so far. this is the pina dress. it was great about a month ago, but it's starting to feel a little snug now in week 26. i had a bear of a time making it, partially my fault, partially not. the first pattern of hers i made was the ruched t-shirt, and the size small fit me perfectly. somehow, though, i'm a medium in this pattern. luckily i had enough fabric to start over in the larger size. the other main problem was my fabric choice- i think it needs a heavier-weight jersey so it's not so clingy. i may try to make another one, maybe even in the large size, to get me through the next few months.

like i said, i've been making a lot of clothing for myself, and i even have a few baby projects completed already. i'll try to be better about sharing them here, without turning this entire blog into a parade of finished projects.

happy monday, friends.