into the light [more film]

while the days are surely getting longer and it is later in the morning when ethan exclaims "the sun is coming up, mama!" and later in the evening when he asks "is it dark outside, mama?", there is still something special about all the darkness that comes with this season. i will always remember this winter as the one we started eating our dinners (and sometimes breakfasts) by candlelight, or oil lamp-light. the one when i decided i'd better use up all those beautiful candlesticks i've been holding onto for all these years (i think i still had one pair a friend gave to me in high school!), saving for that special occasion. realizing that every meal we sit down to together as a family is special. and savoring them as much as i possibly can.

days in the life

so i didn't do very well with my attempt at shooting one roll of film each month last year (even though i do have a whole roll from way back in my former life of august and september that i never got around to posting here...) but i am still making an effort to shoot more film because oh lord. when i look at these, i wonder why i even bother taking digital photos at all. of course, i know why i do, but still. these photos make my heart swell. even the ones of my messy kitchen counters and dusty staircases (i'll share those next time; there were too many good ones from this roll to share in one post).

film forever. and ever and ever. amen.

xo

(shot on an olymus om-2s and processed and scanned by old school photo lab. i forget what the film was, fuji i think)

eight and a half weeks

it's been eight and a half weeks since we welcomed cora into our family. as to be expected, there have been many up days and many down days. she is an absolute delight and i am so over the moon that we get to have her in our family. but seriously, this two kid thing is no joke. after the holidays, a few people said to me "it must be nice to get back to your routine." ahem, routine? hahahaha. oh well, we are kind of, sort of settling into something may or may not resemble a routine. i am trying, always always, to find a balance between being present in as many moments of our days as i possibly can and savoring this precious time with ethan and cora, while also taking care of myself and finding time to do some of the things that make me happy and fill me up as a person, not just a mama. i know, lofty goals, huh?

well, in the spirit of that, here are a few of my intentions for this year. i say intentions, not resolutions, because while i do intend to work on these things, i don't want to feel like a failure if, inevitably, some of them slip away through the course of the year. i'm sharing them here mostly so that i can be reminded of them later in the year when that happens.

:: take care of myself. this includes resuming my home yoga practice, doing a better job of eating well and not mindlessly grabbing handfuls of chocolate chips every other time i walk through the kitchen (which is all the time), making a strong effort to get out and walk even on cold days, making the time to shower more often (sorry, but you know it's true), and try try try to get enough sleep.

:: get our household under control. i know "decluttering" is some kind of new religion. and i know it was my resolution last year. but this time it's for real. jared and i are totally on the same page about getting our house under control and we've already made a lot of progress, even though it may not seem noticeable. we are working hard to get rid of stuff we don't need, maintain areas of the house that we've already cleaned and organized, and deal with stuff as soon as it comes in the door. this also includes boring adult stuff like managing finances better.

:: be more present and intentional with my time. stop wasting time mindlessly scrolling through facebook and instagram on my phone when i could be getting something else more valuable done.

:: write more. i'm setting myself a loose goal of writing something at least once a week. this may be a post here, in my journal, or another piece. i currently do a lot of writing for work, but i'd like to work on more personal writing, and maybe even try to get a piece published somewhere? who knows, but it's something i really enjoy and need to carve out the time to do it (see goal #1).

i have lots of other more specific projects i'd like to work on or get done this year as well, but for now i'm sticking to these overall intentions. what are your intentions/resolutions/goals for this year? i'd love to hear.

welcome cora dean!

on november 16, just two days after her "guess date," cora dean miller arrived to join our family. she was a tiny little thing, weighing just over six pounds, but stretching out to twenty long inches! she was born in the water at our amazing birth center, surrounded by three midwives, our incredible doula and friend, and her loving parents. ethan was up bright and early the next morning (eating breakfast at 3:30 am) and came to meet his baby sister (that kid knew what he was talking about with his predictions!) before we all headed home together as a family of four.

she is named for three incredible and strong great-grandparents of hers--cora for my paternal grandmother, constance, and dean for my maternal grandmother dorothy and jared's grandfather donald (bud) who just passed away in late july. this little lady has got some big shoes to fill.

these first few weeks have been amazing and exhausting. more than anything, though, we are so so glad she is here with us.

more soon.
xoxo

because i have nothing more important to do than start a new quilt...

on par with making homemade shampoo just days before my wedding...

i was on such a roll with posting here a few months ago, wasn't i? i was so enjoying it and excited to be writing and sharing regularly again and then, well, then life. i have a post about nesting that i wrote about two months ago and have edited and updated a few times and wanted to post, but there it sits in the drafts folder and well, it just doesn't feel quite relevant anymore. no matter how much i've edited it.

because we are so past "nesting". we are in full on baby-preparation mode. we are in building-new-ikea-dresser, installing-new-carseat, washing-baby-clothes-and-diapers, and oh, making-a-throw-quilt-just-for-the-hell-of-it mode.

yeah. i've made some pretty damn cute new baby stuff over the past few months that i'll share one of these days. and i am still finishing up one last (i think) knitting project. and then, i suddenly decided that now was the best time to take that random log cabin quilt block i made for no reason a few years ago and has been sitting in various piles in my studio and make up a whole quilt of them. because that's the headspace i'm in right now. i'm thinking about winter with a baby and a toddler, and i'm thinking about snuggling under lots of quilts, and i'm thinking i wanted something new. just for us. the four of us (!).

so here it is, in progress. i thought it was done with eight blocks, but as i started plotting out the sashing and the border i decided it really needed another row and less sashing/border. so i went back to the fun part of combing through my scraps and putting together four more log cabin blocks. (each block is 14"x14" and i'm thinking the finished quilt will be about 60"x48"ish). erin posted a photo on instagram last week of what she's discovered as her "personal palette" and i realize, this is definitely my palette...greys, purples, browns, blues, and a few pops of greens. i'm really psyched about this one, especially the fact that every bit of it (minus the batting, fine) is coming from my stash. definitely a plus in the decluttering/studio downsizing department! it's going to be backed with a super cozy flannel piece i picked up from mill ends a few years back that i've been saving for just the right project, which is definitely this one. i know i have a little ways to go before this is ready, and i really should quit it and get back to a few more urgent projects that need to be taken care of in the next month or so, but i just cannot wait to be cozied up under this thing on the couch with a new babe, and ethan, and jared, and freddie this winter (hmm, maybe it needs to be even bigger...).

and speaking of that new babe...it's mindboggling to think that he or she will be joining our family in just about a month or so now. phew. that time thing again. one of the things i am most excited about it seeing ethan grow into being the amazing big brother i know he will be (and really already is). he is so nurturing and funny and caring and i can't wait to watch him teach this baby all kinds of amazing things that he's got in his head. i love him so much and am so excited to welcome another little person into our family and grow our hearts even more.

all love.

a million tiny triangles that i didn't want to part with.

or so it seemed (technically, it was more like four hundred)...

here is my latest quilt made for one of my oldest and dearest friends' baby, sarah madelyn. per usual i didn't even pick out the pattern or color scheme until she was a few months old and then started to get stressed that i wouldn't finish it before she turned one. some baby gift! but alas, i did finish just shy of her 10 month birthday (about two months ago already!). i'm pretty sure no one was counting anyways (except me, of course).

i picked out this pattern (thousand pyramids) from the same quilting book as my last quilt and quickly got to cutting up many many triangles. the vast majority were 5" tall, but there were some random ones that were actually four tinier triangles sewn into one that i placed throughout the quilt top. all of the fabric for the top were scraps or came from my stash. i keep doing this, but yet it doesn't seem to make a noticeable dent in my overflowing shelf and scrap bags, hmmm. per usual, i forgot to measure the finished size of the quilt before i sent it off, but i made the crib size, which is supposed to measure 47"x59" and i'm guessing it was about right.

the biggest thing i learned from this quilt is that i am not a very precise sewer. in all stages including measuring, cutting, and sewing. i had so many triangle points that didn't match up or got cut off that by the end of this project, i decided that my next goal is to just get better at all of this. i know practice makes perfect and i've been sewing for almost ten years now. but i think i'd like to make some mini quilts or even just lots of quilted hot pads or pillows with different patterns and really be intentional in being precise and practicing different techniques and get all my corners and points in line.

of course, none of this is noticeable to anyone but myself, but i think it's always good to have personal goals to improve your skills and talents, even if no one else is paying attention. and it's exciting too, to work on getting better at something that you really enjoy doing and brings you happiness.

in any case, i really do love this quilt. it was very hard to part with and i'm contemplating making a similar one to keep for ourselves (don't i say this about every quilt i give away? yes, i think i do). or at least one with the same color scheme, because man am i in love with purple-grey-yellow. luckily, i was mailing it off to the sweetest little babe, who i hope to meet in person soon. as always, i spent many of the hours of stitching thinking about her playing on this quilt, or sleeping under it, or building forts with it. and many hours were spent thinking of my dear friend, and how at nine years old when we first met at summer camp, i never could have imagined that twenty-three years later here i would be sewing a quilt for her baby.

two!

ok, i'll just get this out of the way right now and then i'll move on. i cannot believe that this little guy is two.

once i get over the mind boggling-ness of the fact that our child is two years old, i am so happy. he is so so much fun. i mean, sure he can be frustrating and stubborn, and you know two, but really. even at the end of a hard day, the things i look back on most while jared is giving him a bath and i am sitting in the kitchen not cleaning up after dinner are the funny things he said and did. all the hugs and kisses that he still gives me. the way he knows the name of almost every single character in one fish two fish red fish blue fish (aka: one two fish), and there are a lot! the way he knows the names of most of his books and has very strong opinions about which ones should be read and in which order. and also which ones should be read by him or mama or dada.

i remember how he lets himself out in the backyard and generally is pretty darn content to play out there "with freddie" for a little while, while i can finish making dinner or cleaning up the kitchen all the while checking up on him out the window. he loves to play with the water from his kiddie pool. filling up pitchers and "watering the garden" and maybe picking some unripe tomatoes.

he loves music and can sing a few songs. his current favorite is still "happy know it." he is still obsessed with "playing the banjo" (aka, anything that maybe sort of looks like a banjo or guitar) and dancing around. he also loves to make up songs and just say things in a sing-songy voice sometimes. i love those.

i remember how he constantly blows my mind with what he says. he is always thinking. in the middle of bedtime the other day, out of the blue, he said "dill goes in the pickles." you know, weren't we all thinking about what was happening with that large bunch of dill in the kitchen?

he is actually starting to help with some small tasks, which is really awesome and cute. he can pull his shorts off and put them in the laundry basket. he likes to help feed freddie. if he wants something from the other room, he will often just go get it himself (after an initial "mama go get it"). and he is getting pretty good at his please ("peeese") and thank you ("sank you"). i love the inflection of his little high pitched voice and try to record as much of it as possible so i will never forget what he sounded like now.

overall, two is pretty damn great so far. i just love who he is and who we get to watch him become.

we had a super fun and low-key party in our front yard last saturday with lots of friends and family. ethan was excited about his party and to "eat some food" (of which he did very little). since he appears to hate chocolate, but loves fruit, i made two peach blueberry pies, which were an absolute hit with the birthday boy and everyone else (recipe from voluptuous vegan). this little boy is so very loved by so many and this party was a wonderful celebration of his community.

we love you, ethan sidney. may the longtime sun shine upon you.

xoxo

june/july film!

i'm happy to report that month one of my new little film project is a success! i finally decided to splurge the extra $5 to have my film processor scan the film for me (instead of procrastinating for weeks, inevitably screwing it up and having to do it all over again, and ending up with dust and dog hair on the negatives no matter how much compressed air i use) so here are some beautiful, professionally scanned photos for you. (and the next roll is well underway in my camera!)

most of these are from the vacation we took about a month ago with my parents at a beautiful cabin up north. ethan had a blast on the pontoon boat, at the town beach, running around the cabin and making himself at home in the sandbox. and of course, it was extra special to spend so much time with grandma and baba.

while i've definitely become a convert to iphone photography for daily snapshots to share quickly, i will never stop loving these little snippets of our days on film. the magic of film will always hold a special place in my heart.